Authenticity in the workplace:

One of the best ways to create belonging and engagement in the workplace is for employees to feel they are in a safe space and can be their authentic self. National Coming Out day is October 11th and I want to share the story I shared with my company as co-leader of the Out BRG to let them know they are in a safe environment:

My childhood would be considered anything but normal.  My dad was in the military, which meant military standards, and I went to 6 elementary's, 1 junior high school, and 3 high schools.  I barely had time to make friends before I was whisked off to another state.  On top of that, I was raised in the Mormon faith (although I hear they now like to be called The Church of Jesus Christ of Ladder Day Saints officially). There was a lot of chaos and confusion, but I learned to adapt quickly.

I never actually "came out of the closet" officially, because I always knew I had feelings my other friends did not.  These feelings became particularly apparent as I started going through puberty.  Unfortunately, I was dealing with this at the same time my mom and dad were filing for divorce, and my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.  She died a year after her diagnosis (I was 13) and I was left with my dad, my older brother, and my younger sister (yep, I was a middle child, too)......and my feelings.  I had two choices: hide, or just be me. I chose the latter.

My dad had made a promise to my mother to make sure we graduated high school and he did what he thought was necessary to make that happen.  My sister became my best friend and we relied on each other to make it through.  When I told her I was gay, her response was, "does that mean we can cruise boys together?"  She has always been my biggest ally.  When she would go on dates with boys she would say, "My brother is gay, and if you have a problem with that, then we can't go out".  To this day, we are thick as thieves. To quote her husband, "Y'all ain't normal".

My dad, on the other hand, was not so responsive.  When I graduated high school with honors and was heading to Chicago to play clarinet in the National Honor Band, his response was "So, when are you leaving?"  He didn't even shake my hand. It has been a strained relationship as far as I can remember and we only talk to each other every 5 years or so.  I have come to terms with it and I just see it as two people who don't have much in common.  I sometimes wonder what the truth is, but I don't like to spend a lot of time an energy on it.

I was lucky enough in my teen years to have a gay Uncle who was instrumental in helping me understand what I was feeling and lifting me up to know I was OK.  There were times where I wasn't sure how I was going to make it through. I missed my mom something crazy.  He remains one of my best friends to this day.

I have traveled around the world to many countries and have been to 44 of the United States, so I have seen things from many perspectives. Moving to New York to work for Medidata has opened my eyes even more to the intricacies and complexities of sexuality and intersectionality. It has taught me to be even more open minded than I already was and to remain open to the different possibilities - really learning to judge people for their character and actions and not for what they look like, or how they feel, or who they love.  I am so thankful for all the support I have received from friends and allys.  Sure, there have been some hard times, but I choose to use those as pillars of strength for better times to come. 

My husband and I are about to celebrate our 24th anniversary in a couple of weeks, 11 of those legally married.  I am proud to be me.  I hope you are proud to be you.

Happy National Coming Out Day to all my fellow LGBTQIA employees.  I hope it's a great day for you.  If you are struggling, I am here for you.  If you are an Ally, I thank you for your support.